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Writing

Funnies

You Might Be a Male Irish Dancer, if…

  1. You and a friend have ever had a conversation that included “I know you were bored, but you can’t dance at my football practice!” Austin
  2. Your friends wonder how you get all the girls attention, and you show them. Timmy
  3. Your buddies ask you to teach them some dance moves so they can pick up girls. Timmy
  4. You’re almost disappointed that you can’t wear a solo dress because they look so cool! Almost... Timmy
  5. After 3 hours perfecting your treble jig, you are sweating more heavily than the basketball players. Timmy
  6. You own a shirt that says “Reel Men Dance in Heels” ;) Timmy
  7. When your friends ask you who you think is hot, they (a) say “besides Jean Butler, Gillian Norris, or Joanne Doyle” or (b) they don’t know who you’re talking about because they’re not from dance class. Austin
  8. You can kick higher than the entire cheerleading squad. Timothy
  9. You are 6 feet 6 inches tall when you do a toe stand. Timothy
  10. It was a dark day when Jean Butler got married. Timothy
  11. You try to persuade your school to let you letter in Irish dance. (If cheerleading is a sport, so is Irish dancing!) Timothy
  12. You have absolutely no qualms about regularly putting on shoes with heels. Timothy
  13. You went to prom in your dance uniform. Timothy
  14. You play basketball, and your buddies always comment on how your feet are turned out. Timothy
  15. You have posted a sign on your locker saying “Call me Michael Flatley one more time and I will set you on fire.” Timothy
  16. Pat Roddy is the man you want to grow up to be. Timothy
  17. You recognize or know by name all the other male dancers in your region, of which there are precisely eight. Colin
  18. You have defended your feis results more than once against accusations of “boy points.” Colin
  19. You see nothing unusual at all about spending an entire day surrounded by hundreds of girls in wigs and varying states of undress. Colin
  20. You know, somewhat unfortunately, what you look like in poodle socks. Colin
  21. The phrase ”boys are louder“ has meaning to you, and you kind of like it. Colin Colin
  22. You can kick higher than half the girls you know. Colin
  23. You’ve ever had a dream that involved you, in a solo dress and wig, in front of a crowd. Colin
  24. You looked kind of good in that dream. Colin
  25. You”ve helped a female friend into her solo dress without any trace of awkwardness. Colin
  26. Every time someone says “flash pants” or “spankies,” you giggle inside. Colin
  27. You regularly curse your hips aloud for providing you with genetically inferior turnout. Colin
  28. The time you tried to dance a figure in a girl”s spot was one of the most terrifying experiences of your dancing career. (“But…oh…right, lead around. What? Why are…what? Oh. Outside? What?”) Colin
  29. You envy girls because they get all the fun softshoe jumps and leaps. Colin
  30. You console yourself on a regular basis by saying smugly, “Well, at least I can do heel clicks.” Colin
  31. You complain aloud at dance class, “Oh man, I have to get a haircut before the feis,” and every girl in the room shoots you a withering glare. Colin
  32. You have found yourself calling your 4-pack “Flatley abs”. Austin
  33. Paying more than $300 for a costume is a lot! Austin
  34. You’ve been offered money to run around screaming “they’re after me lucky charms!” at the next pep rally. Austin
  35. You’ve ever received a St. Pat’s day card about having “nice shamrocks” and too short a kilt. Austin
  36. The idea of a kilt is beginning to grow on you. Austin
  37. You ramble on and on whenever you talk (or get this dazed look in your eye whenever you think) about the lucsious, perfectly-executed leap-overs Jean Butler did in DODG, “Grainia’s Lament”. Austin
  38. You understand that there is a special bond between you and your 2-hand partner, and was almost jealous when you met their boyfriend at a feis once. Austin

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